I only have a couple weeks (in theory) left in this pregnancy.
I think I am getting to the point where I am trying to figure which is harder, having Baby #3 on the inside or the outside.
Pros of Baby #3 staying in: feeding and elimination needs are taken care of by my body and require no extra time on my part.
Pros of Baby #3 being out: Moving around will be SO much easier.
In theory, I have friends who are willing to help out the first week or two after Baby is born so I will have time to sit back and rest. But then... I will take over taking care of my family again. However, by then, I should be able to stand up, roll over, and walk around with much more ease than I currently enjoy.
So my question: Which is harder? Taking care of two small children while VERY pregnant, or taking care of two small children and a baby? Any thoughts?
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Bree & Cora's birth stories
Here ya go, just cause Melissa asked. ;-)
A little back ground on why I chose homebirth:
I was raised by a couple of hippie (my parents) who had all 4 of us at home back in the 70's and 80's with lay midwives. In fact, my mother's midwife for me back in '78 only charged them $200! (As compared to the $3000 - $4000 in fees a certified nurse midwife charges these days to cover their costs. Don’t worry, a normal, uncomplicated, vaginal hospital birth is even more than that! Luckily insurance will cover either a home or hospital birth! But that’s another story…) Point being, I grew up going to births and being told that homebirth was normal globally and historically, but that we lived in a country that didn’t believe that it was ok. I had seen for myself that birth was long, that birth was hard, but that birth was something a woman’s body could do despite the opinions of most US doctors of that time.
My mother’s shortest labor was 48 hrs or so. Hospital policy was (as still is) that a labor that goes past 12 hours should be ended via cesarean. Today, depending on your doctor you are more likely to be asked in a “we believe this is the right thing to do” sort of way as apposed to being told point blank “this is what we are going to do” but either way American doctors don’t tend to be comfortable with long labors and the longer a labor goes, the more they will push for a cesarean. That means that if my mother had had us in the hospital, all 4 of us would have been born via unnecessary cesarean. I can say unnecessary because we all turned out fine, no complications, no need of medical intervention, etc, we just took our time in coming. My mother trusted her body the way God had made it. To her, this made sense. And after researching birth she decided she trusted God more than doctors, and, well, you can see why she went the route she did. But, long story short, by the time I was 9 my mother’s friends weren’t having babies anymore and I lost touch with homebirth culture but still knew I wanted it for myself someday.
Flash forward, I’ve met this really cool guy named Nathan and I tell him all my crazy beliefs about birth:
Nathan does his own research, studying statistics the world over. (When compared globally, the US is ranked 42nd in infant mortality. That means there is more than one third world country that is more skilled at delivering healthy babies than we are. When comparing only developed nations, we are dead last. TOTALLY ridicules in my opinion. We have the information and the resources, what’s the deal?!?! Why not give up our no-so-good methods and use what has been medically proven to work?! Oh well, end rant.) Through his research Nathan concluded I was on to something. ;-)
Now, finally, the story of Bree’s birth:
We chose to deliver at my folk’s house because it is significantly larger than our 3rd floor, two bed room apt. =) I have always hated how our culture has removed birth and death from our day to day lives and that the only picture of birth our young women grow up with is what Hollywood tells them so I invited 3 young women to attend the birth, Cheryl, Dana, and Jamie.
Labor started around 2am and Nathan and I headed to my folks’ in the wee small hours of the morning. It had been a while since I’d been to a birth so I felt a little unprepared for the task ahead of me, but as afore stated, I was confident that my body knew what to do even if my brain didn’t remember what all was involved. I labored on the birth ball, in the tub, on the couch, then I guess I had been affected by western birth practices more than I had realized because I plopped on the bed to wait… and wait… I didn’t get up, I didn’t walk around, I didn’t dance, I didn’t sing, none of the things that could have helped my body do its work.
I had been told to relax during contractions and that really hurt. Of course it hurt worse not to… I remember being very impressed by how much the midwife, Meg, was there for ME, and catered to MY needs. If she needed to check the fetal heart beat, she’d climb over and under whatever obstacles I had set up instead of telling me to leave the comfy nest I had created. She was willing to be uncomfortable, to go out of her way, so I didn’t have to. For some reason that surprised me.
After I had been laboring for around 14.5 hours and hadn’t “progressed” in a while Meg told me, “If you continue laying there your body will do its thing, but if you want to speed up the process you can get up and walk.” I love how she gave useful information then left the decision up to me! There was no tone of “this is what I think you should do” or “don’t you know you are doing this wrong and should do as I tell you?” She gave options but it was up to me to labor in the way that felt best to me. Walking sounded impossible, but the thought of speeding things up sounded worth it. So I got up and walked the 5 yards to the stairs and even walked up a couple of them. Doesn’t that sound easy? Walking to the stairs? It took me 8 minutes. Nathan helped me the whole way and every time I had a contraction I would hang off his neck and go limp.
Coming back down the stairs I sat on a step and leaned forward over my belly and Nathan sat down behind me. At the next contraction I grabbed his arms to pull my butt up off the step and leaded back pressing against the step behind me. What I didn’t know was that I had trapped Nathan’s toes against the step behind me and was doing a pretty good job of crushing his piggies while pulling him forward. He said that in that moment, if supporting me meant getting his toes broken, he was ready to do it. =)
Now I was fully dilated and the only thing in the way was a lip of cervix that was holding baby’s head back. Meg asked if I’d like to push while she held the lip in place and that worked. From there I moved to all fours to deliver my baby. For crowning Meg told me to push little pushes and breathe between. Unfortunately she said this just as a contraction was coming on. I heard “push…” and gave it everything I had. I ended up tearing a little but she was able to stitch me up in the comfort of my own (parents’) home. Bree was born within 14 min of me getting my butt up out of that bed. She weighed in at 7 lbs, 9oz.
Once Bree was born I was ready to collapse and hold my baby. Momentary plot complication: Bree was still attached via umbilical cord and as I began to sit back I was reminded not to sit on my baby. =) I still remember the first glimpse I saw of my new baby was as they pasted her between my legs (I was still on all fours) and at last I was able to sit back and hold her. We waited to cut the cord till it had stopped pulsing. (The blood in the cord is the baby’s blood. Studies show that babies do better when their blood is allowed to return to their bodies rather than being trapped in their cords.) We were also able to decline a few unnecessary medical procedures that we would not have been able to decline had Bree been born in a hospital. (Did you know that insurance companies often dictate hospital policies? Not the doctors, you know, the ones who actually have a degree in medicine?!)
It was a very nice birth experience in about 1/3 the time I was expecting. We got to do it our way on our time w/o half a dozen people running in and out, no iv’s or straps limiting my motion nor mobility, no one telling to hold my breath and push while they counted to ten, and no one whisking my baby away to “make sure she was ok.” The midwife did her exam as she lay right next to me. What more could a new mother want? =D (Apparently Cheryl agreed because when she became pregnant with her first baby, she and her husband had a home birth at Cheryl’s parents’ house. As an aside, Cheryl is now hooked on birth and begun her training to become a certified doula as well as a certified Dance for Birth instructor. I’m telling you, a good birth can be addicting!)
Cora’s birth story:
Again, flash forward, just under 2 years. We are expecting our second baby and again plan to give birth at my folks’. As before, we have all our birthing supplies over there and ready, only the few last minute things (our tooth brushes, change of clothes, etc) are still in our apartment. Again I am woken up around 2am by labor pains and again I hop in a warm bath to begin my labor. (Ok, an “as hot as I can stand it” bath.) This time I brought a little battery clock with a second hand into the bathroom with me so I could time contractions from the tub. Instead of trying to relax my whole self during contractions as I had with Bree, I thought, ‘Ok, the top of my uterus is trying to be tight. It is trying to push out a baby after all. It’s my cervix I want to relax.’ So instead of kind of arching my back in an attempt to relieve the pressure like I had done with Bree, I would curl forward and visualize my uterus tightening on my baby forcing him/her (her) down through my relaxed cervix.
After about an hour of labor I couldn’t take it alone anymore and hollered to Nathan to come sit with me. I felt kinda bad about waking Nathan because I figured the poor boy was going to need his strength later when I hung on his neck but I wanted him there with me. (Second babies tend to take about half the time first babies do. Bree’s labor had been around 15 hours so I was expecting this one to be somewhere in the 8 hour range.) For the next hour and a half Nathan sat slumped on the bathroom floor holding my hand. (He takes a while to get moving when woken from a deep sleep.) I sat cross legged in the tub facing the side, leaning over so my head could rest on the edge of the tub. Several times I got out of the tub to go to the bathroom and Nathan would drain the not-so-hot tub and refill it with scalding water for me.
At this point it felt time to make the 10 min trip to my folks’ house so Nathan got Bree up and dressed her and began taking our last minute birth stuff out to the car. While Nathan packed and carried boxes Bree rested on the couch. She isn’t used to being woken up at 4am… Somewhere around this point it felt good to moan with the contractions so I would. From the other room Bree would lift her head and tell me “Push, push. Baby, crotch.” I called Meg to let her know we were on our way to my folks. I was hoping I’d have a contraction while on the phone so she could tell how far along I was (I had no clue) but I didn’t.
Once the car was ready for me Nathan came in to help me get dressed. (I had drained the tub in anticipation of putting on my clothes.) I was dreading the walk down stairs to the car (did I mention we lived on the 3rd floor?! Also I was not looking forward to the car ride. Bumps hurt.) We got my T-shirt and sweatshirt on but when Nathan helped me up to put on my underwear and pants I suddenly felt burning. I knew that burning. It meant head was coming. Now. I told Nathan. Inwardly he started to panic but outwardly he was very focused and asked what he should do. I told him to start massaging the skin that would very soon have a stretch around a baby. He did.
It was kinda funny in hindsight because I talked him through the whole thing. In the middle of crowning I felt a huge contraction coming on and I didn’t want to tear again so I told him to help me hold the baby’s head in. It worked. Cora’s head came out nice and easy. It was at that point I did my one and only real push the whole labor. It was to get Cora’s shoulders out and after that the rest of her just slid into Nathan’s and my waiting hands. The whole labor was about 3 hours!! Again, about 1/3 what I was expecting… And since Nathan hadn’t had time to change into birthing clothes he had had a white shirt on! It was such an easy clean birth that that shirt is still white. (I know 2nd babies tend to come quicker but that was ridiculous!)
We called Meg and she said she knew from my phone call I was that far along. (How did she know?! She’s so good…) We asked if we should cut the cord and if so, what do we use? She said cords don’t need to be cut. (Check out “Lotus Birth” if you want to see how far some folks take it!! I’m not that crazy though…) While we waited for Meg I nursed Bree and Nathan held Cora in one hand while he held her placenta in a bucket with the other. It was a very relaxing time and I had so much more energy after this birth! Nathan and I just sat there and took in all that had just happened.
The first person on the scene was my girlfriend Cheryl. Since they lived in the same apartment complex we did, she had the shortest commute. The next person was my father on his way to work. Remember how we had brought all our birth supplies to my folks? Yeah, we’d called him up to see if he could bring them by. My girlfriend Lynne also came over and she took over playing with Bree. Meg finally arrived to do the postpartum and infant exams and we were both fine, no tearing this time! Cora weighed 8lbs. 13oz, almost a pound and a half more than Bree!
It was another great homebirth. Very different from the first one but I am glad we had such different amazing stories for such different amazing girls. =D
A little back ground on why I chose homebirth:
I was raised by a couple of hippie (my parents) who had all 4 of us at home back in the 70's and 80's with lay midwives. In fact, my mother's midwife for me back in '78 only charged them $200! (As compared to the $3000 - $4000 in fees a certified nurse midwife charges these days to cover their costs. Don’t worry, a normal, uncomplicated, vaginal hospital birth is even more than that! Luckily insurance will cover either a home or hospital birth! But that’s another story…) Point being, I grew up going to births and being told that homebirth was normal globally and historically, but that we lived in a country that didn’t believe that it was ok. I had seen for myself that birth was long, that birth was hard, but that birth was something a woman’s body could do despite the opinions of most US doctors of that time.
My mother’s shortest labor was 48 hrs or so. Hospital policy was (as still is) that a labor that goes past 12 hours should be ended via cesarean. Today, depending on your doctor you are more likely to be asked in a “we believe this is the right thing to do” sort of way as apposed to being told point blank “this is what we are going to do” but either way American doctors don’t tend to be comfortable with long labors and the longer a labor goes, the more they will push for a cesarean. That means that if my mother had had us in the hospital, all 4 of us would have been born via unnecessary cesarean. I can say unnecessary because we all turned out fine, no complications, no need of medical intervention, etc, we just took our time in coming. My mother trusted her body the way God had made it. To her, this made sense. And after researching birth she decided she trusted God more than doctors, and, well, you can see why she went the route she did. But, long story short, by the time I was 9 my mother’s friends weren’t having babies anymore and I lost touch with homebirth culture but still knew I wanted it for myself someday.
Flash forward, I’ve met this really cool guy named Nathan and I tell him all my crazy beliefs about birth:
Nathan does his own research, studying statistics the world over. (When compared globally, the US is ranked 42nd in infant mortality. That means there is more than one third world country that is more skilled at delivering healthy babies than we are. When comparing only developed nations, we are dead last. TOTALLY ridicules in my opinion. We have the information and the resources, what’s the deal?!?! Why not give up our no-so-good methods and use what has been medically proven to work?! Oh well, end rant.) Through his research Nathan concluded I was on to something. ;-)
Now, finally, the story of Bree’s birth:
We chose to deliver at my folk’s house because it is significantly larger than our 3rd floor, two bed room apt. =) I have always hated how our culture has removed birth and death from our day to day lives and that the only picture of birth our young women grow up with is what Hollywood tells them so I invited 3 young women to attend the birth, Cheryl, Dana, and Jamie.
Labor started around 2am and Nathan and I headed to my folks’ in the wee small hours of the morning. It had been a while since I’d been to a birth so I felt a little unprepared for the task ahead of me, but as afore stated, I was confident that my body knew what to do even if my brain didn’t remember what all was involved. I labored on the birth ball, in the tub, on the couch, then I guess I had been affected by western birth practices more than I had realized because I plopped on the bed to wait… and wait… I didn’t get up, I didn’t walk around, I didn’t dance, I didn’t sing, none of the things that could have helped my body do its work.
I had been told to relax during contractions and that really hurt. Of course it hurt worse not to… I remember being very impressed by how much the midwife, Meg, was there for ME, and catered to MY needs. If she needed to check the fetal heart beat, she’d climb over and under whatever obstacles I had set up instead of telling me to leave the comfy nest I had created. She was willing to be uncomfortable, to go out of her way, so I didn’t have to. For some reason that surprised me.
After I had been laboring for around 14.5 hours and hadn’t “progressed” in a while Meg told me, “If you continue laying there your body will do its thing, but if you want to speed up the process you can get up and walk.” I love how she gave useful information then left the decision up to me! There was no tone of “this is what I think you should do” or “don’t you know you are doing this wrong and should do as I tell you?” She gave options but it was up to me to labor in the way that felt best to me. Walking sounded impossible, but the thought of speeding things up sounded worth it. So I got up and walked the 5 yards to the stairs and even walked up a couple of them. Doesn’t that sound easy? Walking to the stairs? It took me 8 minutes. Nathan helped me the whole way and every time I had a contraction I would hang off his neck and go limp.
Coming back down the stairs I sat on a step and leaned forward over my belly and Nathan sat down behind me. At the next contraction I grabbed his arms to pull my butt up off the step and leaded back pressing against the step behind me. What I didn’t know was that I had trapped Nathan’s toes against the step behind me and was doing a pretty good job of crushing his piggies while pulling him forward. He said that in that moment, if supporting me meant getting his toes broken, he was ready to do it. =)
Now I was fully dilated and the only thing in the way was a lip of cervix that was holding baby’s head back. Meg asked if I’d like to push while she held the lip in place and that worked. From there I moved to all fours to deliver my baby. For crowning Meg told me to push little pushes and breathe between. Unfortunately she said this just as a contraction was coming on. I heard “push…” and gave it everything I had. I ended up tearing a little but she was able to stitch me up in the comfort of my own (parents’) home. Bree was born within 14 min of me getting my butt up out of that bed. She weighed in at 7 lbs, 9oz.
Once Bree was born I was ready to collapse and hold my baby. Momentary plot complication: Bree was still attached via umbilical cord and as I began to sit back I was reminded not to sit on my baby. =) I still remember the first glimpse I saw of my new baby was as they pasted her between my legs (I was still on all fours) and at last I was able to sit back and hold her. We waited to cut the cord till it had stopped pulsing. (The blood in the cord is the baby’s blood. Studies show that babies do better when their blood is allowed to return to their bodies rather than being trapped in their cords.) We were also able to decline a few unnecessary medical procedures that we would not have been able to decline had Bree been born in a hospital. (Did you know that insurance companies often dictate hospital policies? Not the doctors, you know, the ones who actually have a degree in medicine?!)
It was a very nice birth experience in about 1/3 the time I was expecting. We got to do it our way on our time w/o half a dozen people running in and out, no iv’s or straps limiting my motion nor mobility, no one telling to hold my breath and push while they counted to ten, and no one whisking my baby away to “make sure she was ok.” The midwife did her exam as she lay right next to me. What more could a new mother want? =D (Apparently Cheryl agreed because when she became pregnant with her first baby, she and her husband had a home birth at Cheryl’s parents’ house. As an aside, Cheryl is now hooked on birth and begun her training to become a certified doula as well as a certified Dance for Birth instructor. I’m telling you, a good birth can be addicting!)
Cora’s birth story:
Again, flash forward, just under 2 years. We are expecting our second baby and again plan to give birth at my folks’. As before, we have all our birthing supplies over there and ready, only the few last minute things (our tooth brushes, change of clothes, etc) are still in our apartment. Again I am woken up around 2am by labor pains and again I hop in a warm bath to begin my labor. (Ok, an “as hot as I can stand it” bath.) This time I brought a little battery clock with a second hand into the bathroom with me so I could time contractions from the tub. Instead of trying to relax my whole self during contractions as I had with Bree, I thought, ‘Ok, the top of my uterus is trying to be tight. It is trying to push out a baby after all. It’s my cervix I want to relax.’ So instead of kind of arching my back in an attempt to relieve the pressure like I had done with Bree, I would curl forward and visualize my uterus tightening on my baby forcing him/her (her) down through my relaxed cervix.
After about an hour of labor I couldn’t take it alone anymore and hollered to Nathan to come sit with me. I felt kinda bad about waking Nathan because I figured the poor boy was going to need his strength later when I hung on his neck but I wanted him there with me. (Second babies tend to take about half the time first babies do. Bree’s labor had been around 15 hours so I was expecting this one to be somewhere in the 8 hour range.) For the next hour and a half Nathan sat slumped on the bathroom floor holding my hand. (He takes a while to get moving when woken from a deep sleep.) I sat cross legged in the tub facing the side, leaning over so my head could rest on the edge of the tub. Several times I got out of the tub to go to the bathroom and Nathan would drain the not-so-hot tub and refill it with scalding water for me.
At this point it felt time to make the 10 min trip to my folks’ house so Nathan got Bree up and dressed her and began taking our last minute birth stuff out to the car. While Nathan packed and carried boxes Bree rested on the couch. She isn’t used to being woken up at 4am… Somewhere around this point it felt good to moan with the contractions so I would. From the other room Bree would lift her head and tell me “Push, push. Baby, crotch.” I called Meg to let her know we were on our way to my folks. I was hoping I’d have a contraction while on the phone so she could tell how far along I was (I had no clue) but I didn’t.
Once the car was ready for me Nathan came in to help me get dressed. (I had drained the tub in anticipation of putting on my clothes.) I was dreading the walk down stairs to the car (did I mention we lived on the 3rd floor?! Also I was not looking forward to the car ride. Bumps hurt.) We got my T-shirt and sweatshirt on but when Nathan helped me up to put on my underwear and pants I suddenly felt burning. I knew that burning. It meant head was coming. Now. I told Nathan. Inwardly he started to panic but outwardly he was very focused and asked what he should do. I told him to start massaging the skin that would very soon have a stretch around a baby. He did.
It was kinda funny in hindsight because I talked him through the whole thing. In the middle of crowning I felt a huge contraction coming on and I didn’t want to tear again so I told him to help me hold the baby’s head in. It worked. Cora’s head came out nice and easy. It was at that point I did my one and only real push the whole labor. It was to get Cora’s shoulders out and after that the rest of her just slid into Nathan’s and my waiting hands. The whole labor was about 3 hours!! Again, about 1/3 what I was expecting… And since Nathan hadn’t had time to change into birthing clothes he had had a white shirt on! It was such an easy clean birth that that shirt is still white. (I know 2nd babies tend to come quicker but that was ridiculous!)
We called Meg and she said she knew from my phone call I was that far along. (How did she know?! She’s so good…) We asked if we should cut the cord and if so, what do we use? She said cords don’t need to be cut. (Check out “Lotus Birth” if you want to see how far some folks take it!! I’m not that crazy though…) While we waited for Meg I nursed Bree and Nathan held Cora in one hand while he held her placenta in a bucket with the other. It was a very relaxing time and I had so much more energy after this birth! Nathan and I just sat there and took in all that had just happened.
The first person on the scene was my girlfriend Cheryl. Since they lived in the same apartment complex we did, she had the shortest commute. The next person was my father on his way to work. Remember how we had brought all our birth supplies to my folks? Yeah, we’d called him up to see if he could bring them by. My girlfriend Lynne also came over and she took over playing with Bree. Meg finally arrived to do the postpartum and infant exams and we were both fine, no tearing this time! Cora weighed 8lbs. 13oz, almost a pound and a half more than Bree!
It was another great homebirth. Very different from the first one but I am glad we had such different amazing stories for such different amazing girls. =D
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Who is Lauren?
I struggle with finding the balance between being open and honest (I like the whole 'open book' approach) and not being too overwhelming. I know I don't want to be a gossip about my live, my family's lives, etc. I do know how to keep a secret if it involves others, but I really don't see the value in hiding things about myself. There are aspects of my past that I am not proud of. I have charater flaws I wish would go away. I am sick of feeling ashamed of being ashamed of this. I prefer to own it, learn from it, and grw past it. Why dwell on a past I can't change? Won't that ruin my future?
I am a person who has strong convictions, but I don't want to be pushy about them.
I have studied many topic at great length, but I don't ever want to feel like I know IT ALL.
I am very self assured and yet I second guess myself and what others think of me.
I posses some behaviors that I really wish I was quicker at kicking to the curb.
I am a Christian who happens to live in America. That means that I do not think the American life style is the only way to go. I believe every culture has figured out a few things that they do well and other things they don't. That means I prefer to learn from a nation's successes as well as their failures.
I am constantly frustrated by American Christians who don't realize that they are products of their culture. America does not and never has equaled Godliness. Example, just because Americans prefer dual income families doesn't mean it's somehow Biblical. (Doesn't mean it isn't either. To find out, one must read A BIBLE!)
I am constantly frustrated by the way my country handles birth. America is an atrocious place to give birth and yet everyday our women surrender themselves to a system that doesn't even know it is flawed.
However, the thing that frustrates me the most is the knowledge that people don't want to hear about it. We look around and say, "Well, it's not that bad," as if there were acceptable levels of bad. I find that unacceptable.
I am a person who has strong convictions, but I don't want to be pushy about them.
I have studied many topic at great length, but I don't ever want to feel like I know IT ALL.
I am very self assured and yet I second guess myself and what others think of me.
I posses some behaviors that I really wish I was quicker at kicking to the curb.
I am a Christian who happens to live in America. That means that I do not think the American life style is the only way to go. I believe every culture has figured out a few things that they do well and other things they don't. That means I prefer to learn from a nation's successes as well as their failures.
I am constantly frustrated by American Christians who don't realize that they are products of their culture. America does not and never has equaled Godliness. Example, just because Americans prefer dual income families doesn't mean it's somehow Biblical. (Doesn't mean it isn't either. To find out, one must read A BIBLE!)
I am constantly frustrated by the way my country handles birth. America is an atrocious place to give birth and yet everyday our women surrender themselves to a system that doesn't even know it is flawed.
However, the thing that frustrates me the most is the knowledge that people don't want to hear about it. We look around and say, "Well, it's not that bad," as if there were acceptable levels of bad. I find that unacceptable.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)